So much for a bright future...

I feel like I have nothing to look forward to in life anymore. No, I don't mean that in a 'I have nothing to live for' or suicidal way. I'm just simply stating that it feels like I've already passed the climax of my life. When you're in middle school all you think about is how you can't wait to get to high school. When you're in high school you look forward to graduating and going to college. Well I'm here now and I find myself with nothing to get excited about anymore. In 2 years I get to graduate and go to work for the rest of my life, sounds intriguing huh? Well if that doesn't excite you then maybe the fact that you start losing touch with people you care about and close friends start to move away and begin a new life. Still not ecstatic yet? Don't forget you get to pay bills and spend all of your free time working an every day job that you get zero pleasure from! Exactly, growing up sucks. I don't know if I feel this way because I'm being immature and don't want to accept responsibility or because I have a deep faith embedded in my mind that there is more to life than simply exchanging your time and labor for money. This life is so short and I refuse to accept the fact that slaving at a 9-5 job is the only way to support yourself. I mean wouldn't you rather spend your life traveling and doing things you enjoy instead? Basically I'm saying that the structure of our life sucks. I just feel so hopeless and I'm scared that I'll never feel that genuine, stress-free happiness that we feel as little kids again. But anyways I guess I'll stop complaining because I have to go study for a test. (Ironic huh?)

10 random things about me...

1. I'm scared of death. I'm also scared of time which is why I don't sleep. I don't want to waste time sleeping because days go by so fast. It freaks me out because I know as time passes it only means I'm getting closer to dying.
2. I'm scared to get close to people. If I do then I get hurt and quite frankly I'm tired of it.
3. I love talking to people and making new friends. Sometimes though, I feel like when I randomly talk to people they think I'm creepy/weird. I guess I'm just too paranoid.
4. I'm a hopeless romantic.
5. I don't go for very many girls but when I do I fall hard. Which also ends with me getting hurt most of the time.
6. I like short girls because I'm only 5'10 and taller girls intimidate me. I like being bigger than the girl, it makes me feel a lot more comfortable.
7. I'm attracted to girls who display great intelligence and can hold an intellectual conversation.
8. I've lived in the south my entire life but i absolutely HATE southern accents. So i try to do my best to keep mine to a minimum.
9. I'm a loner. I feel like no one truly understands me so I tend to keep my feelings to myself. Which eventually ends up driving me crazy.
10. I've only loved one female in my life and it didn't end well at all. So now I find myself thinking I'm never going to be able to love anyone else again.

Well I think those are random enough lol...

Long rant, that nobody is probably going to even read...

            Let me start this out by simply stating that I'm soo tired of being single. I really do not care what you say or how you feel about me, I just want to love somebody. All I want is to care about somebody and for somebody to care about me back. I just want someone to actually have an interest in what I do. I want to have small, petty fights about things that don't matter just because we care so much. I want to have someone I can call and talk to about things instead of having to blog. I want someone I can have pretend, fake fights with. I want someone I can sit on the couch and cuddle with and watch movies all night instead of going out to the club. I want someone who makes me laugh without even trying. I want to wake up everyday knowing that I have somebody there for me. I want someone who enjoys random piggy back rides. I want someone who knows me better than I know myself and knows how to make me smile when I'm upset. I want someone who understands I'm not perfect. I want someone to spoil. I want a best friend.
             Sometimes I feel like I'm trying too hard and other days I feel I'm destined to be alone. I really hope the second part isn't true....Now you can make fun of me for saying of all of this, that's fine. Apparently in the world we live in today it's humorous/pathetic when people decide to display genuine emotion. I honestly couldn't care less. I'm saying exactly how I feel and exactly what's on my mind. So if that makes gay, weird, pathetic, or humorous then so be it. I'm tired of putting up a false image of things. This is me, this is my feelings and opinions. Not yours...I honestly don't know why I'm ranting right now when no one is even going to read this. Oh well.....