The Unforgiving Current

Love like the ocean

Carry me away

It is hard to stay afloat with gravity working against you

The burdens borne only worsen matters

Waves continually crash over, making each passing moment a greater struggle

Ignorance can be life-threatening at times

The beach was safe, but curiosity often proves to be overpowering

The hope of something greater has carried me in, like dust in a breeze

Swimming along the shore is never enough though

The thrill of losing sight of land has long been yearned for

And because of it, I now float lifelessly in the sea

Merely a slave to the waves

The warmth of the sun’s rays hit my body

It is too late for me to appreciate them like once before though

The tide has carried me back to the land

The sand now forms a blanket for my body

To rest upon until life arrives again, like the night sky

But even when my breath returns, nothing will be the same

For my curiosity has now made me fearful of the ocean

So safely on the sand I will remain

Unsure if I will ever swim again…

Progressive Relief

Winter has been reigning for several months, leaving Earth lifeless and still.
Today though has brought with it a feeling of change that can be sensed.
The sun beams down, bearing rays of warmth and freshness.
The icy landscape of the past has been fighting for survival.
Its efforts have now given way though.
What was once a glistening body of frozen beauty has now melted away into a mere puddle.
A puddle that leaves barely any resemblance of its former self.
The remains swiftly seep into the soil.
Yearning for a new life.
Like the moon yearns for the night.
Dying for a chance to feel needed once more.
Many moons have come and gone.
The ground that was once frozen and barren has transformed.
This metamorphosis has left earth filled with vibrant blossoms.
Filled with life.
Filled with an undeniable sense of pacification.
Like a river, Spring has arrived to wash away the past.
Arrived to expunge the frigid bitterness left behind by Winter.
A rebirth has begun.
Things will never be the same.
Which is rather comforting in a sense.
One breath of Spring.
Just one breath of Spring and alive once again.

Frustration

Well it's been a while since I've made an entry and since I'm currently in the middle of a self-imposed ban from twitter I decided to use this to vent. Hmm so where do I start? Maybe I should start off by discussing how my life sucks.

I'm only kidding.

There are a few things I'm frustrated with though. So let the rambling begin :)

Who makes/made the rules on what's cool? We live in such a screwed up society where people constantly critique and judge other people's behaviors and interests. Just because people don't wear clothes or clothing brands that you consider 'popular' or listen to music that is popular that doesn't make them weird or not 'cool' . That just means that unlike you, they have the courage to be themselves. They don't feel the need to conform to the societal norm in order to camouflage their insecurities. I think people who are unique and are comfortable with themselves are awesome. In fact, when it comes to females there's no bigger turn-on to me. But that's irrelevant, I'm just saying that I hate the fact that we live in a society that puts entirely too much emphasis on being 'cool' and not enough on being yourself. Thank goodness for the people who refuse to conform. If it wasn't for them we'd live in a country with millions of the exact same person.

Diversity is beautiful.

Frustration

          Please go ahead and excuse my poor grammar but I'm far too stressed and scatterbrained to exercise decent writing capabilities. Also, excuse my whining and bitching, I'm just extremely frustrated. Anyways, why me? Why am I always the one who never gets what I want? Why do I always feel like there's something missing? Why am I never satisfied?

         Why does it seem everyone is happy but me? I honestly feel like I'm having a cruel joke played on me. I mean it's rare that I legitimately like someone but it's going to become even more rare if things keep going like this. One is practically married, one is now dating the only guy I hate, and as of late any girl I show interest in wants nothing to do with me. Life's awesome. 

         Also, I hate when people try to hook me up with people. If I'm not with someone it's because I want it to be that way. I am fully capable of doing things on my own. Oh well, I'm about to miss out on another opportunity too more than likely. When it rains it pours. The rain has to end something though, right?

Current thoughts...

I will never forgive myself for letting someone's love slip away. I have to stop blaming it on others and put the blame squarely on myself. Love is a very valuable, very rare thing. I was a fool for thinking that it wasn't that special and that I would be able to find it again easily. I took love for granted. The worst thing you could possibly do. Hell I don't even love myself, so it's amazing that someone else did. Now I get to sit around and wonder how different things could and would be if I knew then what I know now. It sucks. I let my pride get in the way. Sometimes I was too prideful to forgive you, others I was too prideful to admit that I was wrong. Pride and love do not get along. I understand that now, I just hope that one day I'll have the opportunity to love again and do things right. I know I would definitely not take it for granted the second time around...

So much for a bright future...

I feel like I have nothing to look forward to in life anymore. No, I don't mean that in a 'I have nothing to live for' or suicidal way. I'm just simply stating that it feels like I've already passed the climax of my life. When you're in middle school all you think about is how you can't wait to get to high school. When you're in high school you look forward to graduating and going to college. Well I'm here now and I find myself with nothing to get excited about anymore. In 2 years I get to graduate and go to work for the rest of my life, sounds intriguing huh? Well if that doesn't excite you then maybe the fact that you start losing touch with people you care about and close friends start to move away and begin a new life. Still not ecstatic yet? Don't forget you get to pay bills and spend all of your free time working an every day job that you get zero pleasure from! Exactly, growing up sucks. I don't know if I feel this way because I'm being immature and don't want to accept responsibility or because I have a deep faith embedded in my mind that there is more to life than simply exchanging your time and labor for money. This life is so short and I refuse to accept the fact that slaving at a 9-5 job is the only way to support yourself. I mean wouldn't you rather spend your life traveling and doing things you enjoy instead? Basically I'm saying that the structure of our life sucks. I just feel so hopeless and I'm scared that I'll never feel that genuine, stress-free happiness that we feel as little kids again. But anyways I guess I'll stop complaining because I have to go study for a test. (Ironic huh?)

10 random things about me...

1. I'm scared of death. I'm also scared of time which is why I don't sleep. I don't want to waste time sleeping because days go by so fast. It freaks me out because I know as time passes it only means I'm getting closer to dying.
2. I'm scared to get close to people. If I do then I get hurt and quite frankly I'm tired of it.
3. I love talking to people and making new friends. Sometimes though, I feel like when I randomly talk to people they think I'm creepy/weird. I guess I'm just too paranoid.
4. I'm a hopeless romantic.
5. I don't go for very many girls but when I do I fall hard. Which also ends with me getting hurt most of the time.
6. I like short girls because I'm only 5'10 and taller girls intimidate me. I like being bigger than the girl, it makes me feel a lot more comfortable.
7. I'm attracted to girls who display great intelligence and can hold an intellectual conversation.
8. I've lived in the south my entire life but i absolutely HATE southern accents. So i try to do my best to keep mine to a minimum.
9. I'm a loner. I feel like no one truly understands me so I tend to keep my feelings to myself. Which eventually ends up driving me crazy.
10. I've only loved one female in my life and it didn't end well at all. So now I find myself thinking I'm never going to be able to love anyone else again.

Well I think those are random enough lol...